There are days that you’ve probably wrestled with getting out of bed in the morning because of the job, aches and pains, or people you have to face. It just feels so much easier to stay in bed and not have to deal with all the crap. But after a few minutes of tossing and turning you know that you have to deal with the world, unless you call in sick and put it off for a day. Eventually you have to force yourself out of bed because you can’t stay in under the covers forever.

I had this problem for the longest time and I kept this mentality throughout my day. The “I want to stay in bed” state of mind kept me from enjoying what was going on around me. I was surviving and at times enjoying my life when the moments were perfect. Of course hanging out with my friends on a Friday night or meeting a potential girlfriend was exciting, but short lived. I wanted to keep the perfect moment alive, striving for it constantly. I was trying to fill a void that was only getting bigger. I was constantly taking because I thought I deserved it. My time and money was what I was most selfish with. My friends could see this, but knew I meant well, so they didn’t say anything. I guess they figured I’d come around at some point.

I was so worried about my own happiness that it pervaded my whole existence. Expecting life to give me what I needed was taking too much energy to sustain. When someone strives for something because they think it will make them happy, they usually end up disappointed. I was flailing my thoughts and actions around, but not getting anywhere. I was keeping score of every little thing I had done for other people. When they didn’t return my good graces I would shut them out for a couple of days to punish them for bad behavior. Have you called someone and they never returned your call? Sure, it’s happened to all of us. Did you get mad and refuse to call them until they called you? I know I’ve done that. Sometimes a friend needs a break and they deserve another call; giving that extra phone call has really improved many of my friendships.

If a friend needed help moving into a new apartment I would do it because I knew they would help me in the future. It was such a sad existence because physically I was giving, but mentally I was taking. I would always complain or make sarcastic remarks about the situation, so they would see how much they should appreciate me. There are times I still do this and it makes me cringe.

Over the past couple of years I’ve been watching how giving was easier then receiving. Two years ago I had to move and I only had one friend who had a truck, so I asked him for help. He helped me move a China hutch, two desks, a couch, a bed, a TV stand and a coffee table. After we were done I wanted to thank him by buying him dinner, but he had to go because he had to get ready to go out with his wife. It was a simple act of friendship that astounded me. I would have taken the free meal no matter what. I used to always expect some payback for a good deed.

My friend helped me move because it made him feel good. He mentally put himself in a winning situation. He didn’t require me to pay him for the effort. His payment was in the energy exerted in helping me move all my heavy stuff. It was a lesson that I’ll remember forever. I had to train myself to take the mental position of being okay with giving to others without receiving anything in return.

I’ve always looked at my energy as something that I exert to accomplish a goal, but energy is so much more than just something that we do. It’s inside of us, roaming around and affecting our mood. My energy in Florence, Italy was off the charts. I couldn’t stop ohhing and ahhing at everything that I saw, ate, smelled, touched, and heard. It was a smorgasbord of beautiful buildings, statues and people. It was so overwhelming that I became exhausted. I couldn’t understand why I was so tired, until I noticed that my muscles were tense. My body was signaling me to slow down and just breathe, but I couldn’t because I wanted to take in the beauty. Then I realized I wasn’t giving back my energy. I wasn’t relaxed because I was in such a rush to enjoy everything. The Italy trip highlighted my desire to take in without giving back, so from that point on I gave my thoughts and body back to the area, exchanging energy freely with people, other animals, and objects.

I did this by not grasping onto everything that was going on around me. I relaxed my muscles and let each piece of art, tree, and person go by quietly, appreciating it, then moving on to the next piece. Before going to the Michelangelo’s “David” we stopped off at a snack shop and bought a sandwich and a drink. Instead of rushing off to eat my sandwich like I usually do, I looked the lady in the eyes and thanked her for her service. She smiled and appreciated my gratitude. It was a lot easier to give back to others than I thought it would be.

You can keep finding what’s right or wrong with the world or you can let go and give back. Looking at your life as if it’s taking your energy is a difficult perspective. The difference between an older person that I want to spend time with and one that I avoid, all comes back to giving. “If they give to me I want to give back to them,” is an unwritten rule in our society. Trying to keep energy locked up inside is actually counterproductive because it’s like any cycle in life – you need to take in energy and release it. We are meant to give. The more we give, the more that life will reward us with happiness. We can’t just give because we expect happiness; we can’t fool our true desires. We must give because we want others to feel good. For the past couple of weeks since Italy, I’ve been practicing giving my energy freely to whoever wants it. The grumpy lady in the grocery store, my parents, the dog that looks so cute you want to steal it, and my wife, without expecting anything back in return. The extra bonus to this practice is it’s also improving the people’s moods around me. I expected that it would help fill me with happiness, but others seem to be jumping on board with me. I’m not sure if I’m just seeing it that way or it’s actually true. I’ve tried to be objective, but I can’t. The scientific solution would be to take myself out of the equation and see what happens, but that’s impossible so I’ll just enjoy my altered existence and appreciate the change.

The typical acts of charity such as donating time to schools or giving money to homeless shelters is not very high on my priority list right now because I still struggle in my life. I try to do charity on a daily basis by holding doors for people or helping someone pick up a bag full of spilled groceries. This blog also constitutes as charity because I’m giving away free thoughts and ideas that I believe are helping people.

So how do you give your energy out, so you can get more in return?

This may sound like a selfish way of stating the question, but I assure you it’s not. If we look at giving out energy as purely an emotional exchange then we can figure out the highest return possible. When I use my energy to genuinely compliment someone I’m creating positive emotions. Mother Teresa realized that giving herself to the poor people of the world made her feel stronger, happier and more energized then anything else she could have done. She had such a calm and surreal attitude that it was angelic. Only someone that understood the true nature of the world could feel such contentment. I’ve never seen world leaders or rich business men with the same look of happiness that I saw on mother Teresa’s face. You can’t fake that happiness. She was giving to others and she got back 10x more in return because it made her feel closest to God. She believed her energy was being utilized to its fullest extent and that giving it away only made her more empowered.

Start small by imagining a world you want to live in. Do you like when people let you in front of them during rush hour? Do you enjoy a smile? Create the world you want to live in and then that world will exist for you. When you are around friends and family you love, just send them loving thoughts. Then after much practice, try sending loving thoughts to someone that has done you wrong at work or in your recent past.  When you let your love expand outside its normal parameters you’ll be surrounded by more love and energy then you ever thought possible. When you practice gentle thoughts you create a more gentle existence. Everything starts with you because you see the world from only your perspective.

When you flow with nature’s unwritten rule of “Give more than you receive,” you’ll see that the benefits will multiply.

Show some Love:

Related Articles:

• Slow Down My Internal Body Speed
• Practice Patience Everyday
• Explaining to My Mom that She Needs to Meditate
• A Slow Life is Easier to Enjoy

This entry was posted on Tuesday, February 6th, 2007 at 9:23 pm and is filed under Motivation, confidence, enjoy everything.